Shoot me, but I caved in and actually ordered a online paid report about my "astro" personality. It cost me a mere ten dollars, which is my sole justification... And I hate to tell this... most of the readings were surprisingly accurate – which just pisses me off.
Oh well. There’s a lot of unexplained things in the world, let this be one more in the line!
Here’s my birth chart dissected for both entertainment and scientific purposes –
Ascendant is the face you show to the world; how others see you
ASCENDANT IN LIBRA
- A great healer and counselor
tell me about it, sigh.
- Struggles to find balance in own life
don’t know about that. When I make up my mind, I usually stick to it.
- Aesthetically inclined; loves beauty
I guess, yeah.
Sun rules your outer personality
SUN IN TAURUS
er, I guess
- Slow to anger; extremely dangerous when angered
Hmm, could be. Just ask my parents, grin.
- Very oriented toward the material world
Really? I wouldn’t know, since I am always broke.
- Practical, stodgy and resists changes
WRONG! I love love LOVE changes, my favorite pastime is building castles in the air and I hate stodginess in any form.
Moon rules emotional part of your character
MOON IN LIBRA
- Born peacemaker; will do anything to maintain peace
- Will go to pieces during a dispute
- Wants to be loved by everyone
Yes. Yes. Dammit, YES!
Mercury is responsible for your style of Communication
MERCURY IN ARIES
- Impulsive and hot-headed.
- Over the top enthusiast
- Speaks without thinking
I totally agree to all the above, grrrr.
Venus is how you attract - the planet of Love
VENUS IN GEMINI
- Love of words; loves to travel
- Multiple affairs of the heart; loves to love two at a time
- Flirty, flighty and promiscuous
What the FUCK, grrrrrr….
- More than one profession indicated
okay, phew. That’s true enough.
- Loves freedom and is independent to the core
er, true too.
Mars is how you go after things - the planet of Action
MARS IN LEO
- Daring and courageous; doesn’t accept defeat easily
Exactly. Heh heh.
- Will woo in grand style
oh yeah, baby….
- Can be bossy and arrogant
- Loves to show off
Huh? Who, me? No way!
- The sign Mars occupies in a woman’s natal chart implies the kind of men she will be attracted to. Your Mars is in Leo so, given a chance, you’ll be all over the Leo cats
This is so, SO creepily true I’m not even going to talk about it, grrrr.
(Apparently, the sign Venus in a man’s birth chart will imply the kind of women he falls for!)
Jupiter is the planet of career
JUPITER IN VIRGO
- Blessed with perfection for detail
huh? Dude, that is so NOT true!
- Works best in a group
yeah, but I also work well by myself.
- Destined for practical service in a worthwhile cause
Absolutely. One day I dream of working for the UN. (Yes, really.)
Saturn rules the principle of limitation.
SATURN IN VIRGO
- When Saturn is in a sun sign, it tampers with the exact qualities that sign are known for. Virgo is the sign renown for great attention and fanatic detailing. When Saturn is in Virgo, slackness and aimlessness is a result.
Oh. So that’s why I’m such a OB?
- Must learn discipline and avoid distractions.
- The person has difficulty distinguishing what is important from what is not. Therefore the native must work extra hard to clarify ill defined circumstances and chaotic situations. At times this may seem overwhelming. As a result, there can be mental worry, hypochondria, and depression.
Noted. Will try to worry less from now on – by OBing more, heh heh.
Finally, here are the five most important things that, according to this report, have defined my current personality –
Sun in Taurus, Moon in Libra
"The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign produces one of the most likable personalities in the Zodiac wheel. Others may have more wit, ambition, or intellect, but none equal the charm and appeal of this combination. This personality is marked with optimism, even if up to your ears in private woes. Anyone that doesn't like you is probably motivated by jealousy."
A nice home and a close family are your first loves; social contact and involvement, a close second. You may have a wide range of emotional responses from rapturous joy when you are happily with a special someone in a solid relationship, to almost going to pieces when you are confronted by hostility and forced to react to it. But your great sense of balance and harmony constantly protects you from ever go off the deep end.
Heh heh. Thanks for the compliments!
Sun in Taurus, Venus in Gemini
“In Gemini, Venus generates a need for a variety of experiences. You want to taste all that life has to offer. You have an excitable child-like attitude toward romance, approaching affairs of the heart with light-headed optimism and high-expectations. Change and excitement is the spice of your love life, and a partner that doesn't understand this won't be around long.
With Venus in Gemini, you are easily bored and if you marry too young or to someone who is possessive, you may have serious problems. Luckily, your sun is in the most emotionally stable sign of Taurus. This is mutually beneficial, since Taurus will temper the flightiness of the Gemini Venus and in turn, your Venus will lighten up the stodgy nature of your Taurus sun sign.”
Phew, sigh. For a minute I thought I was a goner.
Sun in Taurus, Mars in Leo
“The persevering stability of Taurus and the enthusiastic optimism of Leo join hands to create one of the most success-driven planetary positions in a birth chart. With the Sun in Taurus and Mars in Leo, you are one determined and volatile person who will never stop at obstacles but will just keep going and going till you reach your goal. This combination is usually found in the birth chart of leaders, pioneers and unfortunately, dictators. Make sure you don’t invite bossiness, bullheadedness and over-confidence in your nature.”
Oh, stop it! Enough with the praises, don't make me blush!
Influence of Venus and Mars
Since Venus is very strong in your chart, your Gemini traits will tend to dominate your decisions and all your life, you must battle between the flighty Venus side and the sensible Taurus side of your psyche.
Sigh. That's true enough, I guess.
Your frivolous and flighty exterior hides an ambitious nature. You would probably end up with a man who is an aggressive but fickle charmer and moves in influential circles. You would then become his muse and in time the devoted mother of his children.
Influence of Sun and Moon
You have your sun in Taurus, moon in Libra and ascendant in Libra. Venus is the Planet of Love that rules both Taurus and Libra. As a Venus native, you just can’t help being in love. Your sun, moon and ascendant are all under the control of Venus, which means that your whole world revolves around the word LOVE.
Without something or somebody to love, your life will feel incomplete. You wouldn't know how to live alone, because you cannot live without somebody to love in your life. With the triple influence of Venus in your birth chart, you understand what a man's wants, and know exactly how to give it to him!
Alright, that’s it, now SHUT UP!