Thursday, May 28, 2009

What religion do I belong to?

Some of my friends wonder - am I going to covert to Christianity?

This is probably because I regularly go to Church these days.

My answer: Just because I enjoy eating in restaurants, doesn't mean that I am going to stop cooking at home. Or buy deli food and eat it in a park.

I am not an atheist - it cannot be all a big fat co-incidence. I do believe in a Higher Power. What I don't believe is giving it a name, restricting it to a certain colour and entering it in a race ("Who is the best of all?")

I like the bits and pieces from each religion.

I like to be in a Hindhu temple because of its serenity, but I do NOT like it the concept of a punishing God or when menstruating women are not allowed inside. I HATE it when saffron-clad swamijis live like Kings and own Benz cars, while middle class people donate their ancestral lands to religious organisations, in the name of donation.

I like the sermons of a Church, but I do NOT like when it preaches that Man is a sinner and he has to repent all his life for his sins. I don't buy that. If Man sinned, why hasn't God just destroyed the whole world in a rage? If He can be angry enough to banish His children from Eden, why not just terminate it all and start afresh?

I like Islam, because it is actually a peaceful religion. The Quran says "...whosoever killeth a human being... it shall be as if he had killed all mankind, and whoso saveth the life of one, it shall be as if he had saved the life of all mankind... (5:32). But I do not like the burka, or the fact that it is the cradle of modern terrorism.

Buddhism, Jewish principles, Native American Beliefs... I pick the good things from all religion and shape my spirituality. Only in this way, I can get as much as possible from all religions.

This may sound blasphemous for some, but it is what works for me the best. I firmly believe that each person has to form his/her own manner of prayer and worship to his/her God.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Farewell to my 10-year old cat

The second I heard my mom's quivering voice on the phone, I knew you were dead.

It is crazy that you chose to die of kidney failure just one month before i was due to return back home.

I’m so heartbroken for not being there with you… I am wondering what bad karma i had, to be excluded from your last moments on earth...

I have always been pragmatic about death. I probably would not cry if any of my friends or family dies. It is pointless to even cry, because we all are going to die anyway.

But I never even imagined a situation where I would miss the moment of farewell. That, to me, is worse than death, and trust the Fates to know that beforehand and use it to cripple me...

I am so angry at my personal situation that required me to be in London during the past few months, away from you...

I am feeling guilty because mom told me how much u missed me the past few months and I didn't think about u much bcos of my study commitments...

I am feeling terrible bcos I remember how many times I went straight to my room from work, without giving you a cuddle... and the times you had to sleep alone in the living room, when you wanted to sleep in my bed, I wouldn’t let you bcos you shed too much... I am so sorry about that too...

Jojo, mom is crying non-stop bcos she feels that she should have noticed the symptoms earlier and taken you to the vet... and here in London I am unable to cry bcos I KNOW I caused your death... had I been in India, I would have whisked you off to the vet the minute you looked unwell...

And my one wish to have you cremated, so that I can have your ashes in a urn, was not destined to come true... you were buried in a community cremation ground... and the stupid laws in India forbid women to enter there... so it looks like I won't even be able to look at the spot you were buried...

i am wondering... is this a punishment from god for the way i have been slacking off in the past few years? I'm sure it is. Otherwise, why would you leave me so suddenly, after being my only companion for the past 10 years? My only friend who didn't care that I was fat, average and lived a life full of mistakes?

I know u lived a happy life with us, u certainly wouldn‘t have lasted more than a year in that neughbourhood we rescued you from… but it really hurts that I was not able to give you so many things that you deserved to have… like balanced food or regular vet visits... u never had a garden to run about or a toy to play with or a brush just for yourself... i'm very very sorry for that... this is one of the few times I hate being middle-class in India… where pet “expenses” are considered a sin and a nuisance…

At this stage, I can only mourn for what i didn't do for you... may be, when this pain becomes a little more bearable, i can think about the happy times I spent with you... how grave and zen-like you normally were yet would comically do some stunts to make us laugh… the way your heard would droop enduringly when you fall asleep sitting… and how you loved to snuggle in our armpits… and the way you hissed and boo’ed at the street dogs, from safety of our balcony…

And how you “spoke” to the crows and pigeons in our terrace… how you will jump on us if you can smell food from our palms, as we come home from a restaurant… how you would terrorise my mom if she was cooking fish, bullying her so much that she would give you the lion’s share of it… and the way you terminated the rats in the neighbourhood, holding them in your jaws and making everyone run away from you ferocious gait into your corner in the house…

And the most happy memory of you I have is how I used to pick u up and keep you on my chest, while I lay on the sofa, watching TV… how mom used to shout it was unhygienic and that you might scratch me… and how wild it drove her when I kissed you on your nose or head… but I’m so glad I didn’t think bloody hygiene, am so glad I have you some love, in return to the unconditional love you have me for the past 10 years…

Farewell, my sweetie, my purr bucket, my mojo jojo… named after the cranky monkey of powerpuff girls, which you used to see with us when we were kids… all I can ask for is your forgiveness… for leaving you alone during your twilight years…

In case you ever wondered why I was gone… if you are being born again, please come into my life once again… I will know it is you if I can ever bear to touch another cat again…

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Sunday, May 03, 2009

A sign... may be?

I attended the sunday mass today, at El-Shaddai, Golders Green.

I was blown away by the sermon.

It was my first sermon, in a church that celebrated god with music and dance. When I entered, I was surprised to see that the interior looked like that of an opera hall. Huge TVs hung from the cerling, and an orchestra played in the stage. Then the worship started. Beautiful songs praising Jesus and the God. I can always appreciate a religion which includes singing and dancing in its worship.

After worship, the sermon started and for the first time in my life, I listened to a 2-hr lecture without yawning once. That, by itself, is an achievement!

Secondly, the topic of the sermon. Lately, I have been praying for some sign that I am on the right path... and I think I have been answered. The topic was about how God has specific plans for us, and he leads us from one place to another, which may seem confusing and pointless to us, but is all a part of the big plan for us.

Because we may be blown away if we see the big picture too soon, God leads us slowly, haltingly, from one place to another, over the course of days, weeks, months. It may seem frustrating, it may seem tedious, it may even seem fruitless, but if we are patient enough, we will be rewarded one day.

I have to tell you - I could kiss the pastor for this sermon. No one in my life before has EVER said anything this positive, this encouraging. Sure, this is a Christian sermon, but I don't care - for me, God is God, without fancy names. He can be called Jesus or Krishna or Buddha, but for me, God is the humble pastor in a church, who plants hope and joy in the hearts of desperate people.

El-Shaddai International Christian Centre
http://www.elshaddai.org.uk/thechurch.htm